Showing posts with label author: Mindy Nettifee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label author: Mindy Nettifee. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

where your heart is


Be broken. 
Lie there
on the ground
in the wreckage
until you can feel
all of your new jagged
edges individually. 
Notice how much more
surface area there is to you now. 
Notice there's a rhythm to the stinging. 
It will lead you back to your pulse. 
Try to move if you can. 
Follow the path the pain takes
when it forks and sharks
through your body. 
Focus on your uneven breath. 
Try to love the way it hitches now, 
how each drag of air cuts
through the field of panic. 
As your thoughts struggle
to harden into words, 
return to your breath. 
Pull yourself into sitting
as best you can. 
Be tender. 
Try speaking. 
Grasp the leathery
harness of your voice. 
How long have you been crying? 
Hum something
your mother taught you. 
Anything is fine. 
Feel it vibrate in your chest. 
That's where your heart is, 
still beating, 
still wrestling life into you, 
still pushing back against the world. 

—Mindy Nettifee, "Zen of the Broken," from Rise of the Trust Fall, 2010.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

writing poetry is not a real skill applicable post-apocalypse

This poem is courtesy of wintercreek, who has a habit of introducing me to stunning poetry I have never heard of:

I am writing you from an eight foot snow drift
somewhere south of somewhere.
I would call, but I lost my phone two days ago
at the ice rink pity party that was really just me,
a frozen lake, some cheap Russian vodka and
a depressed polar bear. (Those guys are dark.)
I still have six waterproof matches
and what Vogue Magazine assures me
is twenty extra pounds of body fat.
No, I am not proud of myself.
No, I am not "done with my obsession with Survivalism."
But I am sorry, I am sorry we fought.
You were right when you said writing poetry is not a real skill
applicable post-apocalypse, and I said but who will tell the good stories,
and you said guys who can fish with their bare hands.
It turns out that's really hard.
Trout are ticklish,
and my hands do not have to do what I tell them to,
some sort of freezing cold water clause.
I have nothing but the time and space I've been pining for now,
and I am using this opportunity to try and remember
why I thought this was a good idea.
I think it had something to do with Escape,
which has permanent offices in the romance division of my brain
and ground troops in my solar plexus.
The flight instinct comes on quicksand,
muscles out all rational thought,
starts Morse coding my limbic system with
complex dots and dashes for strange verbs that mean,
roughly translated: "joyous chewing your leash off,"
and "fire without readiness or aim."
It always feels so right to go,
like it's the only story my body knows by heart:
the creation myth of Alaskan shorebirds,
the bedtime story highways whisper to dirt roads,
the real reason horses sometimes obey.
You really wanted to marry me didn't you?
My eyelashes are soaked now.
I'm beginning to think I will never see you again,
that I will never see anything again
but the twenty yards or so of visibility
in stark panorama around my broken sled.
I feel like an idiot, but I'm not scared.
You'd think I would be scared.
These are the soft frozen fields tundra vacations to,
the great white quiet.
No one to distrust.
I deserve this.
You would be amazed how much light there is.
The stars stay out all night.
Each snow flake is a mirror.

—Mindy Nettifee, "To The Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me"