the thing is

Since 2011, when my brother died, I've been posting poems that relate in some way to grief on April 5, which is the anniversary of his memorial service. I really love this one, which is like a punch in the gut in the absolute best way. Ellen Bass is just so, so good.

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you down like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

—Ellen Bass, "The Thing Is" from Mules of Love, 2002.