in this long season

This is my April 29 poem, because yesterday was a bad migraine day and I'm a day behind. That means two poems on this, the last day of April and poetry month (A SAD DAY), but I am posting one now and one later instead of posting them together. So here, per request of K, is Wendell Berry.

Shall we do without hope? Some days
there will be none. But now
to the dry and dead woods floor
they come again, the first
flowers of the year, the assembly
of the faithful, the beautiful,
wholly given to being.
And in this long season
of machines and mechanical will
there have been small human acts
of compassion, acts of care, work
flowerlike in selfless loveliness.
Leaving hope to the dark
and to a better day,
receive these beauties freely
given, and give thanks.

—Wendell Berry, "Shall we do without hope?" 2007. I got this poem from poetryisnotaluxury, but it's actually an excerpt from poem II in 2007 of "Sabbaths: 2005-2008" in Wendell Berry, Leavings (Counterpoint, 2010). Berry is highly excerptible, in my opinion, and this very much stands on its own. Also I love it, obviously.

I opened and opened

I have two Andrea Gibson poems for you today, since I couldn't pick and also missed yesterday.

try calling it hibernation.

Imagine the darkness is a cave
in which you will be nurtured
by doing absolutely nothing.
Hibernating animals don't even dream.
It's okay if you can't imagine
Spring. Sleep through the alarm
of the world. Name your hopelessness
a quiet hollow, a place you go
to heal, a den you dug,
Sweetheart, instead
of a grave.

—Andrea Gibson (1975-2025), "Instead of Depression," from You Better Be Lightning (Button Poetry, 2021). This was the first of Gibson's poems I ever read.

*

When you are trapped in a nightmare, your motivation to awaken will be so much greater than that of someone caught up in a relatively pleasant dream. —Eckhart Tolle

When I realized the storm
was inevitable, I made it
my medicine.

Took two snowflakes
on the tongue in the morning,
two snowflakes on the tongue
by noon.

There were no side effects.
Only sound effects. Reverb
added to my lifespan,
an echo that asked—

What part of your life's record is skipping?
What wound is on repeat?
Have you done everything you can
to break out of that groove?

By nighttime, I was intimate
with the difference
between tying my laces
and tuning the string section

of my shoes, made a symphony of walking
away from everything that did not
want my life to sing.

Felt a love for myself so consistent
metronomes tried to copyright
my heartbeat.

Finally understood I am the conductor
of my own life, and will be even after I die.
I, like the trees, will decide what I become:

porch swing? Church pew?
An envelope that must be licked
to be closed?
Kinky choice, but
I didn’t close.

I opened and opened
until I could imagine that the pain
was the sensation of my spirit
not breaking,

that my mind was a parachute
that could always open
in time,

that I could wear my heart
on my sleeve and never grow
out of that shirt.

That every falling leaf is a tiny kite
with a string too small to see, held
by the part of me in charge
of making beauty
out of grief.

—Andrea Gibson (1975-2025), "How the Worst Day of My Life Became the Best," from You Better Be Lightning (Button Poetry, 2021), and in this case also from poets.org. In the book, this poem as printed on the page is much more spread out, but I didn't feel like I could replicate the spacing super effectively here, so I used the poets.org version. But Gibson was a slam poet; here they are reading this poem aloud.

think of honey

I really love this poem, but also, I don't know, it definitely feels like a good one for today (this week, this month, this year, this decade).

Should the years continue to press
As they press now, and in their pressing,
Press the sugar from my skin, let
The stone that forms inside me
Be amber.

Should there be aching, then,
For sweetness, should they
Come looking and find me, let them
Find in me this rock, and not
My bitter carapace. This rock,
And think of honey, stored away
For safe-keeping.

Tomorrow, who knows?

Should the sun burn out,
As it plans to do, and as it burns,
Burn down all the trees, let
My shadow be a cool thing,
Reaching out to shade you.

—Mendi Lewis Obadike, "Protest Poem," from Rainbow Darkness: An Anthology Of African American Poetry, edited by Keith Tuma (Miami University Press, 2005), and in my case from my heroes poetryisnotaluxury.

the same atoms

It's been a hard day, so here is a poem for that. Clint Smith simply never fails.

Some evenings, after days when the world feels
like it has poured all of its despair onto me,
when I am awash with burdens that rests atop
my body like a burlap of jostling shadows,

I find a place to watch the sun set. I dig
my feet into a soil that has rebirthed itself
a millions times over. I listen to the sound
of leaves as they decide whether or not

it is time to descend from their branches.
It is hard to describe the comfort one feels
in sitting with something you trust will always be
there, something you can count on to remain

familiar when all else seems awry. How remarkable
it is to know that so many have watched the same
sun set before you. How the wind can carry
pollen and drop it somewhere it has never been.
How the leaves have always become the soil

that then become the leaves again. How maybe
we are not so different from the leaves.
How maybe we are also always being reborn
to be something more than we once were.

How maybe that's what waking up each morning is.
A reminder that we are born
of the same atoms as every plant and bird
and mountain and ocean around us.

—Clint Smith, "For the Hardest Days," from Counting Descent (Write Bloody Publishing, 2016).

how we survive

I had a pretty bad migraine yesterday and spent the day in bed without once opening my computer. But I did have a poem selected for April 29, and I'm going to post that poem today, alongside my poem for April 30. My last poem this year is a short one, and I think these two go very well together. I also think they're exactly the right way to close out National Poetry Month this year. Thanks for reading, friends. I hope to see you next year. ♥

The world begins at a kitchen table. No matter what, we must eat to live.

The gifts of earth are brought and prepared, set on the table. So it has been since creation, and it will go on.

We chase chickens or dogs away from it. Babies teethe at the corners. They scrape their knees under it.

It is here that children are given instructions on what it means to be human. We make men at it, we make women.

At this table we gossip, recall enemies and the ghosts of lovers.

Our dreams drink coffee with us as they put their arms around our children. They laugh with us at our poor falling-down selves and as we put ourselves back together once again at the table.

This table has been a house in the rain, an umbrella in the sun.

Wars have begun and ended at this table. It is a place to hide in the shadow of terror. A place to celebrate the terrible victory.

We have given birth on this table, and have prepared our parents for burial here.

At this table we sing with joy, with sorrow. We pray of suffering and remorse. We give thanks.

Perhaps the world will end at the kitchen table, while we are laughing and crying, eating of the last sweet bite.

—Joy Harjo, "Perhaps the World Ends Here," from The Woman Who Fell From the Sky (W. W. Norton and Company Inc., 1994), but in my case also from Weaving Sundown in a Scarlet Light: 50 Poems for 50 Years (W. W. Norton and Company Inc., 2023).

*

Don't ever be surprised
to see a rose shoulder up
among the ruins of the house:
This is how we survived.

—Mosab Abu Toha, "A Rose Shoulders Up," from Things You May Find Hidden In My Ear: Poems from Gaza (City Lights Books, 2022).

the instant when love begins

Lucy and I got married (for the second time!) three months ago today, on January 25. At our wedding, this wonderful and classic Mary Oliver poem was one of our readings, and as it turns out I haven't posted it before—which is kind of wild, but I could post nothing but Mary Oliver poems for the next five to ten years and never run out or repeat anything because there are so many and they are all perfect! Anyway, this is an important one. And as almost always with Mary Oliver, I try to live with this one in my heart.

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don't hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that's often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don't be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

—Mary Oliver (1935-2019), "Don't Hesitate," from Swan (2010).

a thousand windows and a thousand doors

I was thinking about going back to Auden for today, my 40th birthday, even though I changed the birthday rules in 2020. It's my 40th birthday! Also, I make the rules and can do what I want! I haven't posted any Auden in a couple of years, but I've been thinking about him—and, honestly, he was so prolific that I could just post Auden poems for a few hundred years—and then we went to the New York Public Library today and spent a while walking through the New Yorker Exhibit. And look, I really tried not to post this poem, because it's fucking depressing; it's also incredibly relevant, and also they have a draft manuscript that Auden sent to Benjamin Britten in 1939 in the exhibit at NYPL, so like. Here we are. Warnings for Nazis, etc.

Say this city has ten million souls;
Some are living in mansions, some are living in holes,
Yet there's no place for us, my dear, yet there's no place for us.

Once we had a country and we thought it fair;
Look in the atlas and you'll find it there.
We cannot go there now, my dear, we cannot go there now.

In the village churchyard there grows an old yew;
Every spring it flowers anew.
Old passports can't do that, my dear, old passports can't do that.

The Consul banged the table and said,
"If you've got no passport, you're officially dead."
But we are still alive, my dear, but we are still alive.

Went to a Committee; they offered me a chair,
Asked me politely to return next year.
But where shall we go today, my dear, where shall we go today?

Came to a public meeting; the speaker stood up and said,
"If we let them in, they will steal our daily bread."
He was talking of you and me, my dear, he was talking of you and me.

Thought I heard the thunder, rumbling in the sky.
It was Hitler over Europe, saying, "They must die."
O we were in his mind, my dear, O we were in his mind.

Saw a poodle wearing a jacket, fastened with a pin;
Saw a door open and a cat let in.
But they weren't German Jews, my dear, but they weren't German Jews.

Went down to the harbor and stood upon the quay;
Saw the fish swimming as if they were free,
Only ten feet away, my dear, only ten feet away.

Walked into a wood; saw the birds in the trees,
They had no politicians and sang at their ease.
They weren't the human race, my dear, they weren't the human race.

Dreamt I saw a building with a thousand floors,
A thousand windows, and a thousand doors.
Not one of them was ours, my dear, not one of them was ours.

Ran down to the station to catch the express;
Asked for two tickets to Happiness,
But every coach was full, my dear, but every coach was full.

Stood on a great plain in the falling snow;
Ten thousand soldiers marched to and fro
Looking for you and me, my dear, looking for you and me.

—W. H. Auden (1907-1973). This is the poem as it was originally published, as "Song," in the April 15, 1939 issue of The New Yorker, but it's more widely known as "Refugee Blues." In the manuscript draft that Auden sent to Britten in March of 1939, it's just called "Blues"—and as the exhibit notes, the poem is set in a meter borrowed from blues music. The poem often appears with some alterations when it's published as "Refugee Blues" (as it is in my edition of Auden); Auden frequently edited after publication, and sometimes went on editing basically forever, so textual consistency with his poems is always very fun. Anyway, thanks for this one, Wystan. I sure do not love that it still hits so hard 86 years later, but I am very grateful that we had poetry then, and still have poetry now.

we'll go winging

I woke up feeling like absolute garbage and it's going to be a very long day—our flight to New York for a week of theater and seeing friends (yay!) leaves Houston at 7pm and arrives at LGA a little before midnight. On the plus side, I also woke up thinking about this poem. So here's a little aspirational James Baldwin for today. I am hoping that the migraine meds work and the weather stays gorgeous and our travel is easy and painless, and I am also hoping for good things to come for all of us.

Let this be my summertime
Of azure sky and rolling sea,
And smiling clouds, and wind-kissed laughter,
And just myself entranced with thee.
And children playing in the glory
Of a carefree, youthful day,
And sunshine shining from the heavens,
And tears and sighing fled away.
Let this be my happiness
'Midst the earth's swift-flowing woe.
Let this be my only solace—
Just to know you love me so.
Just to know that we'll go winging,
Far above this earthy clime,
Hand in hand through laughing meadows.
Let this be my summertime.

—James Baldwin (1924-1987), "Paradise," from Magpie (Winter 1941).

come out of your houses drumming

We gotta get some protest poems up in here. Here's Rita Dove, who I adore and haven't posted in a few years.

Listen, no one signed up for this lullaby.
No bleeped sheep or rosebuds or twitching stars
will diminish the fear or save you from waking

into the same day you dreamed of leaving—
mockingbird on back order, morning bells
stuck on snooze—so you might as well

get up and at it, pestilence be damned.
Peril and risk having become relative,
I’ll try to couch this in positive terms:

Never! is the word of last resorts,
Always! the fanatic’s rallying cry.
To those inclined toward kindness, I say

Come out of your houses drumming. All others,
beware: I have discarded my smile but not my teeth.

—Rita Dove, "Incantation of the First Order," originally published in Poem-a-Day by the Academy of American Poets on October 18, 2021.

gather blossoms under fire

This poem is honestly just the whole mood of National Poetry Month.

    for Mel

While love is unfashionable
let us live
unfashionably.
Seeing the world
a complex ball
in small hands;
love our blackest garment.
Let us be poor
in all but truth, and courage
handed down
by the old
spirits.
Let us be intimate with
ancestral ghosts
and music
of the undead.

While love is dangerous
let us walk bareheaded
beside the Great River.
Let us gather blossoms
under fire.

—Alice Walker, "While Love Is Unfashionable" from Revolutionary Petunias and Other Poems, 1973, although I will fess up to reading it on the wonderful poetryisnotaluxury Instagram. They have a book coming out in May!

curl your toes into the grass

Happy May 1! In keeping with a year of poetry month that has been pretty off-kilter in terms of my posting schedule, I am posting my closing poem for April 30 today. It's been a weird month—and, frankly, a weird year so far—with travel and health stuff and being in a new place. I hope that by this time next year, I'll be a lot more settled in Houston (and also, like, not having daily migraines). But it's still been a good April in many ways, and the poems have certainly helped. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next year. ♥

If you find yourself half naked
and barefoot in the frosty grass, hearing,
again, the earth's great, sonorous moan that says
you are the air of the now and gone, that says
all you love will turn to dust,
and will meet you there, do not
raise your fist. Do not raise
your small voice against it. And do not
take cover. Instead, curl your toes
into the grass, watch the cloud
ascending from your lips. Walk
through the garden's dormant splendor.
Say only, thank you.
Thank you.

—Ross Gay, "Thank You" from Against Which, 2006.

this place could be beautiful

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.

Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.

—Maggie Smith, "Good Bones," originally published in Waxwing magazine (Issue IX, Summer 2016)

just call it horizon

I'm posting two poems today: one for today (April 26), and one for one of the days I missed earlier in the month (this past Sunday, the 24th). My original plan was to post one poem this morning and one this evening, but obviously that didn't happen, so I'm going to post this one and then the other one. They're both really wonderful poems—the kind where I wonder how I haven't already posted them. I may sneak in one more extra poem this week, since I also missed April 17, and any excuse to post another poem, am I right? I have also somehow managed to save a lot of my heavy hitters for the end of the month, so...sorry not sorry about that, too.

        After Frank O’Hara / After Roger Reeves

Ocean, don’t be afraid.
The end of the road is so far ahead
it is already behind us.
Don't worry. Your father is only your father
until one of you forgets. Like how the spine
won't remember its wings
no matter how many times our knees
kiss the pavement. Ocean,
are you listening? The most beautiful part
of your body is wherever
your mother's shadow falls.
Here's the house with childhood
whittled down to a single red tripwire.
Don't worry. Just call it horizon
& you'll never reach it.
Here’s today. Jump. I promise it's not
a lifeboat. Here's the man
whose arms are wide enough to gather
your leaving. & here the moment,
just after the lights go out, when you can still see
the faint torch between his legs.
How you use it again & again
to find your own hands.
You asked for a second chance
& are given a mouth to empty into.
Don't be afraid, the gunfire
is only the sound of people
trying to live a little longer. Ocean. Ocean,
get up. The most beautiful part of your body
is where it's headed. & remember,
loneliness is still time spent
with the world. Here's
the room with everyone in it.
Your dead friends passing
through you like wind
through a wind chime. Here's a desk
with the gimp leg & a brick
to make it last. Yes, here's a room
so warm & blood-close,
I swear, you will wake—
& mistake these walls
for skin.

—Ocean Vuong, "Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong," from Night Sky With Exit Wounds (2016), but originally published in The New Yorker, April 27, 2015.

hushed

My brother died in 2011. On April 5, about 10 days after he died, we held a memorial service—some of you were there, in fact—and because it was the fifth year I'd posted poems for National Poetry Month, I posted a poem about loss. (I posted several poems about loss, that year.) Then I started posting poems that had something to do with death or grief or loss on April 5 each year, as a kind of continued memorial. The poetry helped, that first year (and later), although I had other anchors, too: friends and family and My Chemical Romance, which I mention now because I am ostensibly supposed to see them again this fall for the first time since the week my brother died. What a world we live in.

Being past the decade mark since my brother died is a weird feeling, not because grief goes away—it doesn't—but because the way you feel it changes. Most often, now, I see something or read something or watch something and think, "God, Pete would love this," or "I wish I could talk to Pete about this," and it hits me with sadness but also a bittersweet sort of happiness when things remind me of him. I miss him, but it's less devastating now (mostly), and even when it hurts, I like to be reminded that I carry him with me.

All of which is to say that Pete did not give one single shit about poetry, so the poems I post are for me, not him. But I love him, and I miss him, and I think the fact that poetry offers so many different ways to look at grief and loss and life and death and love is pretty awesome. Here is a poem about a tree.

...and a decrepit handful of trees.
—Aleksandr Pushkin

And I matured in peace born of command,
in the nursery of the infant century,
and the voice of man was never dear to me,
but the breeze’s voice—that I could understand.
The burdock and the nettle I preferred,
but best of all the silver willow tree.
Its weeping limbs fanned my unrest with dreams;
it lived here all my life, obligingly.
I have outlived it now, and with surprise.
There stands the stump; with foreign voices other
willows converse, beneath our, beneath those skies,
and I am hushed, as if I’d lost a brother.

—Anna Akhmatova (1889-1966), "Willow," translated by Jennifer Reeser and published in Poetry magazine in December, 2005. Translations of Akhmatova vary pretty widely and I often really dislike them, but I love this one.

my color's green

I had a really lovely day today, even though I also did like four loads of laundry and had to run several stupid errands. I also drank coffee and ate croissants outside, and went the farmers' market, and watched a couple of episodes of a new show with my drama-watching buddies, and got to hug and spend time with two different friends in person, which was pretty much the best thing I've gotten to do in months. Tomorrow I have to clean and pack and get organized, and on Monday I leave for vacation, the first trip involving an airplane I've taken in over a year. I can't wait.

     —after Gwendolyn Brooks

No matter the pull toward brink. No
matter the florid, deep sleep awaits.
There is a time for everything. Look,
just this morning a vulture
nodded his red, grizzled head at me,
and I looked at him, admiring
the sickle of his beak.
Then the wind kicked up, and,
after arranging that good suit of feathers
he up and took off.
Just like that. And to boot,
there are, on this planet alone, something like two
million naturally occurring sweet things,
some with names so generous as to kick
the steel from my knees: agave, persimmon,
stick ball, the purple okra I bought for two bucks
at the market. Think of that. The long night,
the skeleton in the mirror, the man behind me
on the bus taking notes, yeah, yeah.
But look; my niece is running through a field
calling my name. My neighbor sings like an angel
and at the end of my block is a basketball court.
I remember. My color's green. I'm spring.

     —for Walter Aikens

—Ross Gay, "Sorrow Is Not My Name" from Bringing the Shovel Down (University of Pittsburgh Press, 2011).

fragrant is the blossom

Ten years ago today, we held the memorial service for my brother, Pete, who died on March 26, 2011. 2011 was my fifth year doing National Poetry Month, and the poems helped. As is often the case, in difficult years, they gave me a kind of lifeline, a rhythm: even when I felt awful, I tried to post poems. Since 2012, I've posted a poem about death, or grief, or both—some more tangential than others—on April 5, as an anniversary. This one is a classic.

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

—Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950), "Dirge Without Music," from Collected Poems, 1928.

when people say

This one has been in my spreadsheet since I first read it last year. It's very, very good, and it hurts.

all I hear is the wind slapping against the gravestones
of those who did not make it, those who did not
survive to see the confetti fall from the sky, those who

did not live to watch the parade roll down the street.
I have grown accustomed to a lifetime of aphorisms
meant to assuage my fears, pithy sayings meant to

convey that everything ends up fine in the end. There is no
solace in rearranging language to make a different word
tell the same lie. Sometimes the moral arc of the universe

does not bend in a direction that will comfort us.
Sometimes it bends in ways we don’t expect & there are
people who fall off in the process. Please, dear reader,

do not say I am hopeless, I believe there is a better future
to fight for, I simply accept the possibility that I may not
live to see it. I have grown weary of telling myself lies

that I might one day begin to believe. We are not all left
standing after the war has ended. Some of us have
become ghosts by the time the dust has settled.

—Clint Smith, "When people say, 'we have made it through worse before,'" originally published in Issue 19 of wildness, Platypus Press, May 2019.

in this poem

Today is April 30, so this is the last poem for 2020. Thank you for being here with me, friends. I love you. See you next year.

It hovers in dark corners
before the lights are turned on,
     it shakes sleep from its eyes
     and drops from mushroom gills,
          it explodes in the starry heads
          of dandelions turned sages,
               it sticks to the wings of green angels
               that sail from the tops of maples.

It sprouts in each occluded eye
of the many-eyed potato,
     it lives in each earthworm segment
     surviving cruelty,
          it is the motion that runs
          from the eyes to the tail of a dog,
               it is the mouth that inflates the lungs
               of the child that has just been born.

It is the singular gift
we cannot destroy in ourselves,
the argument that refutes death,
the genius that invents the future,
all we know of God.

It is the serum which makes us swear
not to betray one another;
it is in this poem, trying to speak.

—Lisel Mueller (1924-2020), "Hope" from Alive Together, 1996, although I got this poem from Garrison Keillor's Good Poems (Penguin, 2003), a collection of poems from The Writer's Almanac. I didn't know when I decided to close the month with this poem that Lisel Mueller died in February (at age 96), but it does feel a little serendipitous, in its own way. Thank you for the poetry, Lisel. ♥

that would be enough

I got to this poem via poets.org's Shelter in Poems. It made me feel some feelings, and not just because I started singing Hamilton to myself and then maybe cried a little.

Say tomorrow doesn't come.

Say the moon becomes an icy pit.

Say the sweet-gum tree is petrified.

Say the sun's a foul black tire fire.

Say the owl's eyes are pinpricks.

Say the raccoon's a hot tar stain.

Say the shirt's plastic ditch-litter.

Say the kitchen's a cow's corpse.

Say we never get to see it: bright

future, stuck like a bum star, never

coming close, never dazzling.

Say we never meet her. Never him.

Say we spend our last moments staring

at each other, hands knotted together,

clutching the dog, watching the sky burn.

Say, It doesn't matter. Say, That would be

enough. Say you'd still want this: us alive,

right here, feeling lucky.

—Ada Limón (b. 1976), "The Conditional," 2013.

a small unfocused blur, a standing chill

Today is poems about death day! "But Olivia," you may ask, "didn't you post a poem about death yesterday?" I did; did I mention that there might be more poems about death than usual, this year? I picked this one out in advance, though, because although it is depressing as hell, it's also a classic, and it's such a powerful, effective, brilliant kind of poem (the enjambment alone, good lord, and don't even get me started on the rhyme scheme) that I thought maybe it was time to post it. Warnings for anxiety, depression, drinking, and the terrifying awareness of mortality, which may feel especially close right now, as does, I think, this poem; please take care of yourselves.

I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
—The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused—nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear—no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape,
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

—Philip Larkin (1922-1985), "Aubade," originally published in the Times Literary Supplement, 23 December 1977, and written between 1974 and 1977; Larkin completed the poem after his mother's death in 1977. The Complete Poems of Philip Larkin, edited by Archie Burnett (New York, 2012), has phenomenal notes, and one of my favorites on this poem is from a letter where Larkin told a friend, "I get up at 6 when I can and try to add to a poem about DEATH. Not making much progress, but one can only hope—to finish the poem, I mean." Anyway, this poem resonates with me a lot, and so does the way he describes it, with delightfully morbid humor.